There was a time in my life when I would walk into a room full of people I didn't know and feel an urge to turn around and go back to my car and go home. I could feel myself shrinking as I walked close to the door and when I finally saw the people inside I felt so small it was no wonder that I listened to my fear instead of my heart.
I had already decided that no one would like me, think I was too young, be intimidated because I was too pretty, or misunderstand my intentions just like everyone else. So subconsciously, I figured why even try. Can you relate?
We often learn to shrink our light or to shut it off in order to feel accepted and loved. We receive messages as we grow up that when we are too pretty, too smart, too successful; other people won't like us as much.
When I was in college I was blessed to have parents who could support me financially. There were many times when friends would make comments like " you can afford to get good grades because your parents are paying for you" or "you must get everything you want then." People assumed I was a spoiled brat and my life was perfect or something because I had parents who could support me through college. Those are the sorts of comments that seem to breeze right over you but get stuck somewhere in the unconscious and resurface in situations like walking into a room full of new people and feeling nervous to make friends.
Learning to Let it Shine
When I began taking the class that I now teach, I learned how to feel my energetic presence. I learned how to make it big, small, tall, short, thick, thin. I learned that I could choose how I wanted to show up in the world by being aware of this presence and finding what my authentic presence felt like. My task became a daily practice of being aware of how present I was at any moment and being aware of how my energy and body felt around different people and situations. When I caught myself outside of my body, I just reminded myself to come back home.
Simply by changing my own presence, people interacted with me differently. Not only did I feel more at home in my own body, other people started to feel more at home when they were around me. The biggest thing I realized is that I was so afraid of not feeling accepting me because I hadn't quite accepted myself. The presence that I had found was the creation of my self-love embodied.
Sometimes, I can still feel the part of me that wants to shrink and run away from situations that bring up fear of not being accepted but now I recognize those feelings and I can make a choice. It is not always easy to choose my heart instead of my fear, and I admit I sometimes choose fear when I am not being present to myself, but I choose now to recommit to my heart and my highest choice.
What about you? Has anyone ever made you feel "less than" for being the best at something, being successful, or receiving help or abundance? How do you let your light shine in your life now? Do you still notice places, people, or situations where you don't show up as bright as you know you are?
